Mahogany: Marriage arrangement specific to forest populations.
Abdicate, v. To forever consign one’s sixpack to the gunnysack.
A.D.D., n. Attention Deficit Disor . . . Oh look! A squirrel! Dr. Benjamin Hartnell
Ahwazinnafoothiminnawhu, adj. So intellectually and morally advanced, you could never even begin to measure up. So trust us.
Air Contritioning, n. That atmosphere of regret you feel when you realize you didn’t get away with it.
Amalgamated, n. In many relationships.
Analyst, n. Amateur proctologist
Antiseptic, n. The one relative you should never invite to family dinners. (Thanks to Gary Grano.)
Arkancide, n. Serendipitous resolution of a political conundrum
Artificial Intelligence, n. Mental acuity common to governmental agencies and legislative bodies.
Asterisk, n. Not always a safe bet.
Astute, adj. You know its rude when you blame the dog.
Atheist, n. A theist whose god has a mind of his own.
Auto Correct, n. Frightening proof that Artificial Intelligence has a mind of its own. His name is HAL.
Aztec Two Step, n. Spontaneous dance where one’s colon leads to a dash.
Bad, adj. Really now, How much worse can it get?
Bad Trip, n. a. 2020 year in review. b. 20-21 now
Barista, Baristo, Bariste, etc. n Apprentice Barrister.
Baroque, adj. Insolvent, but not without grandeur.
Bedrock, n. Most inopportune time to knock on door
Bibble, v. to nibble one’s kibble with dribble.
Bible, n. Official arbiter ambidextrously applied by those hoping you will either not have read nor attempted to understand its contents. See Science.
Bicycle, n. Disgendered two wheeler
Big Picture, The, n. What you got when you studied at Collage.
Blabbergasted, n. When you’ve no solution for the circumlocution.
Boarder Crisis, n. When your tenant can’t be evicted.
Btfsplk, n. a, Surname of a character from Dogpatch, always a harbinger of misfortune. b. Language spoken by government officials, always a harbinger of misfortune.
Cabotage, n. What the picky eater did with the slaw.
Cancellation, n. Social Justice sentence for the capital crime of mopery.
Catstrophe, n. What Fluffy just dragged in.
Cell phone, n. A popular personal device, both communicator and computer, with the additional advantage of shielding one from personal contact.
Chicanery, n. Machiavellian game of pin the tail. Best accomplished when onlookers are blindfolded.
Chocolate, n. If you’re late, it’s already ate.
Circumference, n. If it hadn’t happened when I was born, I don’t think I would have gotten a round to it.
Coffee, n, The person upon whom the coffer coughs. (First noted in Washington Post 2015.)
Coffer, n. The person behind you in line, clearing their throat.
Coffin, n. Where the coffer stops coffin.
Colonies, n. Settlements along the Alimentary Canal.
Colophon, n. Communication device for borborygmi.
Comeuppance, interj. What you pray for when caught with them down.
Concourse, n. what the Sopranos study in the slammer.
Contemporary, n. A short stay in the slammer.
Conundrum, n. Problematic method of birth control.
Counterculture, n. What you forgot to clean up after last night’s dinner.
Covert, n. New member of secret religion.
COVID-19, n. The process by which your circadian rhythm is reset to Pandemic Standard Time.
Cumberless, adj. Severe shortage of raw materials at Vlasic.
Currant events, n. Hopefully, they will be oatmeal raisin cookies.
Current event, n. When peter pokes his fork in the toaster.
Cursive, n. Punitive exercise inflicted on grammar school boys, known to cause the development of expletive speech.
Defenestration, n. Time tested method of honoring the clergy.
Default, n. De same mistake you made before.
Dipthong, n, Extremely skimpy swimwear.
Ego, n. When E’s ready to leave.
Elocution, n. Death by rhetoric.
Esoteric, adj. Trust me. It’s too complex for you to understand.
Fartlek. n. I always thought it was that snotty clerk at the city office. And, I’m not sorry to have called him that.
Fatisfaction, n. The sheer joy of eating lasagna.
Fecund, adj. Between first and furred.
Fetus, (alt, Foetus), n. Living tissue, ambidextrously regarded as parasite or infant, according to the “host”. See Zygote.
Filibuster, n. When you have nothing to say but you just keep talking.
Flabrication, n. The reason you are gaining weight.
Flippancy, n. Cheeky display of wardrobe artistry.
Gang, n. An organized mob dedicated to protest restrictions on freedom such as laws, ordinances, etc.
Gardyloo, interj. Warning given at the start of political debate.
Gendermorph, n. The evolutionary terminus of the human race.
Gibbet, n. Dystopian criminal hangout.
Happiness, n. Nature’s way of informing human resources that you’re overpaid. – Scott Adams
Hate Speech, n. The logical arguments by which you disagree with me.
Himpicate, v. What you assume he might possibly mean.
Hispanic, n. When he first sees the bald spot.
Homage, v. Better than a rest home.
Homonym, n Nom de plume for Transgender sock puppet.
Homophone, n. LGBTQ communication device.
Idiograph, n. Congressional seating chart.
Idiosyncrasy, n. Close order drill for mentally challenged politicians.
Improper Fractions, n. Offenses for which the math teacher lost his job.
Inertia, n. Your excuse for not doing anything today, Or yesterday either, for that matter.
Irregular Verb, n Instruction from the esoteric matrix.
Isolate, interj. Sorry, I so overslept.
Isthmus, n. Non sectarian winter holiday.
Jargon, n. When Peter poached the preserves.
Kindred, n. That foreboding that overwhelms you just before family holiday get together.
Lambaste, v. Best done with garlic butter and rosemary.
Logorrhea, n. Unfortunate alimentary conclusion, er. occlusion.
Looking, n. Boss of the loo.
Mahogany: Marriage arrangement specific to forest populations.
Mangoes, v. a. when he’s good and ready; b. When his wife tells him; c. when he can sneak out.
Malaise, n. Tasteless sandwich spread,
Mandate, n. It doesn’t mean that anymore.
Mammoth, n. Gigantic species of Lepidoptera
Mental Illness, n. Proximate cause of womental illness.
Magistrate, n. Madge uses only traditional pronouns.
Metaverse, n. A virtual world, first settled by psychiatric patients, into which we have now been chucked by Zuck.
Meldrop, n. Really not the best pick.
Minimoon, n. Minor wardrobe mishap.
Minks, n. a. Diminutive ecclesiastics. b, n Capitol of Belarus
Misadventure, What happened at girls’ night out.
Misapprehension, n. That feeling of angst when you discover your girlfriend is in the slammer.
Misfortune, n. a. When your girlfriend cleans up at craps.
b. When you get cleaned out at craps.
Misinformed, Adj. Your girlfriend after you told her where you went last night.
Mistake, n. Dog got it.
Morass, n Symptom of overeating.
Mutate, v. What happened to the Mistake.
Mute, v. To employ aggressively peaceful tactics in order to silence contradictory speech.
Mustache, n. OWW!! I’ll bet that hurts!
Myopia, n. I’d prefer if it were yours.
There is an appointed time for everything,
A time for every activity under the heavens:
. . . A time to weep and a time to laugh. . .
– Ecclesiastes, Ch. 1